


The Land of Apologies and Pain

by Toastyquinn



Series: For the Dead, and the Dying [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Hurt/Comfort, I am the master of OOC, M/M, No one can convince me otherwise, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-10 07:24:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2016186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toastyquinn/pseuds/Toastyquinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sollux Captor is your life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This story is for all of the people who have read "The Land of Anguish and Pity". I'm sorry! If you want to read both of the works in this series, I would start with that one, because if you read it last, it might make you sad. Anyway, I hope that you all enjoy this, whomever you may be!

Sollux Captor is your life.

It's been six perigees and twelve days since you moved in with him.

It's been seven since your "accident".

He was the one who had injured you in the first place. It wasn't his fault, really, -- you were the one always edging him on, telling him that you weren't going to break easily -- and you deserved it. Clearly, you overestimated yourself, and severely underestimated Sollux, so you needed to pay for that. 

You probably would have had a better chance of survival if the angels hadn't come when they had.

You had swam away to a nearby island as they sunk your whole house into the ocean. Once there, the two of you had killed at least thirty of the demons before you knew you weren't going to last much longer. 

You both had ducked into a cave when your adrenaline rush faded, and the pain in your leg flared to life.

Sollux didn't leave you, though. He stayed, kissing you and telling you that everything was alright. Even though he was probably disgusted by you (just in general), your broken leg, and your blood all over the ground, he stayed -- even helped you. He set the bone in place again and put a splint on your leg, wrapping it neatly.

He stayed and watched you die.

You still don't know why he stayed with you, though. You never asked him to stay -- you wouldn't have expected him to even if you did. Sollux couldn't have stayed out of remorse, regretting what he did. Trolls killed each other all the time, he should have simply smiled and ripped your head off as a trophy.

You think he probably felt bad for you -- a highblooded seadweller, who can't even defend himself against a lowblood like him. You yourself don't really care for the hemospectrum anymore. It has something to do with your recent brush with death, but more to do with a flushed crush on a certain psionic. 

An apparently requited crush, you might add.

You still think he should have left you. You probably would have been more deserving of death than of him. He definitely should have left you, or, if he was feeling merciful, killed you himself.

However, this didn't happen. Instead, he had sat with you, and you had died in his arms. The most unbelievable thing was that he kissed you before you were gone. No one had ever wanted to kiss you, and had never expressed any sort of desire to do so. It had been your first kiss for a reason.

But never mind that.

You still remember exactly how the pain felt. You always get little reminders, now and then. It starts again every single morning when you wake up, the agony in your leg burning through your groggy haze and sending lightning up your spine and thunder to your head.

Sollux always helps you through it, though. You could never owe someone more than you do him. He saved you, after all, and let you move in with him on top of that.

As a matter of fact, he is always there when you hurt, kissing you and holding you and stroking your head. He reminds you that it isn't real, just a memory. Eventually, he can make the pain subside, and you tell him how grateful you are for it -- and for him -- afterwards.

You know that you aren't dead, but Sollux always makes you feel alive.

Every kiss, every touch, sends fire, spreading throughout your every orifice in the most pleasant way possible, making your heart race and your eyes roll back in your head. You don't know how he does it, but even glancing his way makes you smile and giggle, giddy at the sight of him. You never used to smile like that, not even for Feferi.

The worst part is that, no matter how happy he makes you, and how much you want him, you will never truly deserve him.

You have met some pretty terrible people in your life -- your ex-kismesis is a good example, actually. However, out of all of the horrid people you've met, none of them can even come close to you.

You used to hear it all the time. You would hear it in the chats on Trollian that you always had to start. Not that you got to chat with many people, because they rarely ever answered you. You knew why. You were scum, and you still are. 

You also heard it in the voices of your friends. Most of them despised you, but you can't really blame them. You really don't deserve anyone's friendship, and the friends that you do deserve are the ones you got -- none. 

Sure, there had been some who tried to be nice and tried to be your friend, once upon a time, but in the end, they were the ones who ended up hating you the most.

In reality, you don't know why any of them bothered with you. You got way more attention -- whether it be quadrant-based or otherwise -- than you should have ever gotten. You're too vain for a kismesis, too selfish for a moirail, too violent for a matesprit, and an auspistice? You can't even keep your self out of trouble, let alone two other people.

You were completely undesirable in every quadrant, and no one in their right mind would accept your advances.

That, however, is when your matesprit comes into the picture. Sollux Captor -- smart, powerful, and hotter than volcanic springs -- is the aforementioned quadrant-mate of yours. He literally could have had anyone else as a matesprit (considering the fact that he isn't exactly looking for a kismesis, or anything else, for that matter), and yet, he chose you.

The amazing Sollux Captor -- Mage of Doom and Stealer of Hearts -- chose you, and you couldn't be happier. 

You know that you won't be sticking around him for long, but you can't help but hope. It's in your nature, you are a player (albeit destroyer) of hope. You wish with all of your being you could stay with him. Every night, you wish, and every morning, just before he wakes up, you pray to the horrorterrors in the furthest ring that he'll keep you.

You get so nervous that someday you think he'll come out of his office from coding and kick you to the curb. It is only a matter of time, and that is why you try to please him as much as possible.

You try to be good at your job, and you think you're doing alright. He hasn't screamed and yelled and told you that he hates you, so you don't think it could be that bad, yet. You know what he likes and what he doesn't, so you never do anything that he doesn't want to do, and as soon as he needs you, no matter what it is, your previous task becomes redundant until you help him.

If he's happy, and you keep him that way, he might let you continue to be his matesprit. You mustn't do anything to upset him, or his memory of you will be tainted with the one bad thing you did, and he'll hate you forever.

You just have to be good to him, and hopefully, he will put up with you.

Right now, of course, you are finding it very hard to do anything remotely good for anyone. You know Sollux's schedule very well -- in fact, you practically live by it. You know that he is supposed to be coding for the next few hours.

You also know that, at this moment, you are experiencing immense amounts of pain.

You aren't sure when it started, it could have been days ago, or only a few seconds. You aren't coherent enough anymore to be able to tell the difference. The point is, your leg is a scorching inferno that is hotter than two dying suns, your head is pounding and thrumming in anguish, and you somehow ended up on the floor.

The pain fades for a second, the angry red haze of your vision clearing momentarily and allowing you to take in your surroundings.

You are in your shared respiteblock. Sollux insisted that the both of you share a block, just in case you were in pain again or he had a nightmare. You both get a better sleep when you're together, anyway.

You seem to have collapsed in a corner, your back against the wall. You hope you didn't bang your head, because cleaning up blood after yourself while you're in pain -- without Sollux noticing -- is a hard thing to do.

Remembering that your matesprit is just in the block next door, you stifle the cry that comes out of your mouth (due to the increase of pain) by putting your hand between your sharp, shark-like teeth. You bite down hard, tasting the blood that beads from the wound. 

Tears sprout in your eyes and roll down your cheeks as the pain worsens. You bite harder and muffle a sob, the pain coursing from your leg and through your body much greater than that in only your hand. 

Your vision blurs, fading in and out, and you experience a strong sense of vertigo as the room starts to spin. You feel dizzy, and you almost want to throw up from how much it hurts, which would be pointless, considering you haven't eaten anything today.

There is pressure on your shoulder -- a hand, it feels like. You open your eyes and see a slightly bleary image of Sollux, your matesprit, looking at you in what seems to be concern. 

Your mind starts to panic. If he worries about you, then he'll always be worried. He'll want to leave you for being too high-maintenance. You have to calm down. You have to tell him that you're alright, and make sure he isn't worried.

You suddenly realize that he's been saying something this whole time.

You take your hand out of your mouth and mentally kick yourself for being so whiny. "Sol, it's okay, I'm-", you cut yourself off with a high-pitched yelp as another wave of torture engulfs you.

That really could have been handled better. You almost black out for a few minutes, before the pain washes away a little, leaving your eyesight mostly clear.

Sollux has you in his lap, supporting your full weight. One arm is circled around your back, almost under your arms, while the other has a hand carding through your hair. The pain is gone as soon as his skin meets yours, replaced by the wonderful, blissful feeling that his presence always gives you.

Your eyes flutter closed and you sigh loudly in relief, basking in his essence and nuzzling your head into what you are pretty sure is his neck. Finally, the pain is gone! His hand goes to your face and the pad of his thumb swipes along your violet-stained cheeks.

"Eridan, how long have you been sore for?", Sollux lisps abruptly after a moment of silence.

Oh no, he only calls you by your full name when he's really worried about you. Your eyes open to look at your matesprit. He's so handsome. You revel in the feeling of being in his arms.

"Well, I think it started at about 2:16, so...", you trail off. You honestly have no idea what time it is right now.

He looks shocked, shouting, "Oh my gog! Eridan, it's 10:25! You've been like this for eight hours! Why didn't you come and get me!? You didn't even make a sound!"

You shrink away, reflexively. When anyone else has gotten this angry at you, they would beat you, and probably already have. You really don't want him to beat you, even though you really wouldn't hold it against him if he did.

"I didn't want to b-bother you. You always get s-so into your hacking... and I didn't want to ruin your c-concentration. B-besides... I would have been okay," you whimper, stuttering nervously and trying not to make him any angrier as you curl into yourself.

He seems to realize that he's scaring you, and softens his voice, "Eridan, there was no way you were going to be okay. You had been that way for eight hours, I'm pretty sure it would have continued even if you passed out. I'm not mad at you, I just wish that you would come to me when you start hurting. I can help. I'm never too busy for you, alright? I will alway be there when you need me."

More tears come to your eyes, your bottom lip quivering, and you bury your face in Sollux's shirt. He tilts your head up towards him, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

You lean into it, of course. It is completely impossible for you to refuse any affection that your matesprit bestows upon you. You know that you won't be his forever, so any attention that he gives you while you're with him is a valuable treasure, something to be kept safe and locked away.

Sollux soon intensifies the kiss slightly, moving his lips with yours and taking your lower between his. You sigh again, this time in pleasure. You also completely forget the pain from a minute ago, it's memory dissipating into nothing and replacing itself with desire.

You clutch his shirt with cold fingers, clinging to him. He wraps his arm tighter around you, running his fingers along your ear-fins softly with his other hand and running his forked tongue along your lips.

He pulls away after that, and you accidentally let out a little whine as he does, desperate for more of his touch.

"What's wrong?", Sollux smirks, taunting.

You look away, trying to avoid his gaze, but he brings your face back.

"Eridan, what's the matter?", he asks again.

"Well, it's just... I'm not going to be here for much longer... I, uh, wanted to be as close to you as I can, before... the inevitable happens...", you trail off, the thought of him dumping you too upsetting to think about.

"The inevitable? What are you talking about?", Sollux looks very confused.

"You know, the day when you finally get sick of putting up with me. I know that it's coming soon, I can feel it! It's just... you're always complaining about how annoying I am sometimes, and you say that you wonder why you put up with me, and... I guess I wonder why, too. I'm rude, arrogant, selfish, unforgiving, prejudiced, and I brag about stupid things all the time! What do you even see in me?", you question, throwing your arms in the air in frustration.

He looks almost hurt, his face a mixture of pain and befuddlement.

"Oh my gog... Eridan, I... I'm so sorry. I really don't tell you enough, do I? I pity you so much, but obviously I never get around to telling you that. I've been so busy with hacking and coding lately that I haven't had any time to spend with you. Let me just set you straight: I'm not breaking up with you. I'm not going to break up with you any time soon, either. As much of a pain in the ass you can be sometimes, I'm not going to kick you out or whatever. You mean the world to me, and I'm pretty sure that I'd die if you were gone" Sollux states. 

In that moment, his voice is more sincere than you've ever heard it, or could have ever imagined.

"Sollux... you- you really pity me that much?", you ask, incredulous.

"Of course I do. What the hell is it going to take to get that through to your pan? Seriously, have you ever even thought about how devastated I would be if you weren't here? When you died, I almost couldn't save you. I may not have cried when you could see me, but afterwards I was a wreck. Reviving you was painful, but once I knew you would make it, all I wanted was for you to wake up," he reminisced.

"...I pity you too, Sol," you whispered into his ear.

"I know you do, ED," he smirks.

You both laugh, until Sollux cuts you off with his lips, resuming the kiss you shared before.


	2. Eternal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the second and final one of this story! As always, I hope that you enjoy it!

Your name is Sollux Captor, and for some reason, you're awake now.

You don't really know how you woke up, and you don't remember if it was a nightmare. You have a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't a bad dream though, because Eridan still sleeps soundly beside you.

You watch him sleeping on the other side of the bed, bare body curled in a tight ball and nestled in blankets. He doesn't snore in his sleep, or worry his lips like you do. Instead, he makes a little glubbing noise, which sounds a lot like he's blowing bubbles underwater.

It's adorable.

Currently, his face is tense, contorted like he's in pain again. You're about to wake him up, when you hear him say something, very softly.

"Sol...", Eridan whispers.

Wait... did he just say what you think he did?

"Sollux... Please don't go...", he murmurs again.

You think he's probably on the verge of tears. Eridan reaches out blindly, trying desperately to feel around for you. At this point, he's panicking, whimpering, and just freaking out out in general.

You roll your eyes at how dramatic he can be, taking his hand in yours and giving it a squeeze.

The result is instantaneous. Your matesprit relaxes, as if a wave of calm is washing over him like water. His body stills, and his breathing returns to normal. He hums happily, but that isn't quite enough for you to be pleased with this situation, yet.

You scoot closer to Eridan, until your bodies are touching, and you cradle him in your arms. You wait for a moment. Nothing. You stroke the lightning-bolt-shaped horns on top of his head. Still nothing. You press a kiss to his forehead and...

... Wait for it...

Suddenly, Eridan smiles, and begins to purr. When you started dating, you never would have thought that seadwellers could be so fucking endearing, but he definitely proved you wrong. He may get on your nerves at times, but that happens in every relationship. 

Besides, he makes up for the annoying things two-fold, especially with moments like this.

You like everything about him, and, if you're being honest with yourself, you only tease him because that's the kind of person you are. When you taunt him, though, you always try to be nicer to him afterwards. You know that he will never leave you, but you also know that he wouldn't be offended if you did anything to hurt him on purpose.

If you're being honest with yourself, the fact that he would still want to be with you even if you beat him up every night scares you.

Just the thought makes you squish him closer to you. You are already protective of him enough around others -- you don't want it to have to come to you protecting him from himself, too. You hope that he starts to accept the fact that you really do pity him just as much as he pities you.

Most of the time, you don't even remember what your life used to be like, back when you didn't have Eridan. The thought alone sounds horrifying.

"Sol?", rasps a tired voice.

It would seem that you have woken up your matesprit.

"It's okay Eridan, just go back to sleep," you lisp.

"Why are you awake?", he asks.

"I don't know," you reply, kissing his lips.

He giggles, "Thinking again?"

"Yeah."

"About what?"

"About how much I pity you. Just so you know, it's a lot," you clarify.

Eridan smiles up at you tiredly, and he barely has enough time to say the same before he drifts back to sleep. Your fingers go to one of the many spots he loves, scratching right behind his left horn. Even though he's sleeping, he sighs, resting his head on your chest. You fall asleep listening to him purr.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, that's it! Feel free to tell me just how terrible my characterization is! Thanks for reading, commenting, and kudos!
> 
> (Wait for it! You're about to read me thanking you for the second time!)

**Author's Note:**

> My most sincere thanks to you, reader, for casting your eyes upon my writing! I also thank you if you have left a kudos, or a comment, perchance!


End file.
